Monday, October 18, 2010

Sweet Child of Mine

My dearest Child,

Sparrow, there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about you and miss you. I miss the thought of you growing inside of me, I miss talking to you, I miss placing my hand over you on my belly, and knowing that all is right with the world. I miss the way your Daddy kissed my belly, and would talk to you, he loves you so much, he did from the moment we found out you existed. He would have been such a good daddy if you had come to live with us, sure he is a little goofy sometimes, but you will never meet a man who loves more passionately than he does, and yes that love reaches all the way to heaven for you. I know he would have loved your hugs and kisses, and you wouldn’t find anyone who would have loved to sit and cuddle with you more than your Daddy. And you can bet that when the boys would have started coming around he would have been greeting each one on the front porch while cleaning one of his many guns, (that you can be sure he would have taught you to shoot right after you learned to walk.). He would have had high standards for any boyfriend you would have had! You can also be sure that you would have been safe with your Daddy, and you would have never had to question his love for you. There are so many things I think of that I will miss doing with you and teaching you Sparrow. I looked forward to lots of crafts and reading and dancing while you were little, and we would have done lots of baking and cooking together when you got a little older. I dreamed about listening to you sing and play the piano and any other instrument you took an interest in, your daddy and I love music, and we would have immersed you in it(and trust me, between the two of us, you would have had a very diverse music library!). I also think about the day I would have taught you to put on make-up, (not too much, just enough to highlight your natural beauty) and the times we would have gone shopping together (until you got too old to be seen with your mom). I also think about getting you ready for the prom, getting your hair done, putting on enough make up to make you look like a princess, and yelling at your dad to “put that gun away, you are going to scare her date!” There are so many things we would have done together as a family, and so many things we would have taught you, I am sad to think that we won’t ever get those chances. We will just have to settle for loving you from afar right now. Sparrow, I wonder what you are doing up there? Is your great great Grandma Jump rocking you to sleep and singing to you like she did for me, your Uncle Chris, and your cousins Dust and DJ? You have so many grandparents in heaven, are they spoiling you and doting over you like your family members here on earth would have done? Are you playing with the other Angel babies of our family and friends? Have you sat on the lap of God and asked Him a million questions about the world and heaven? Do you sing to Him and give Him the praise He deserves? I can’t wait to meet you baby girl! I take comfort in the fact that the only life you have known outside of my body is Heaven, that you have only known perfection, that you dwell in “The Hiding Place,” but I won’t pretend that I’m not jealous that God gets to spend all of His time with you, sweet Angel.

All my love forever, Mommy

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