Hiding from an Omniscient God

When we lose a child and the shock wears off, anger is often the next emotion, it has long been recognized as one of the steps of grief, and is completely natural. Our anger can be channeled at many individuals, but in most cases it is geared at God; suddenly, in that moment of loss, we don't understand how such a loving God could forsake us, could allow us to be hurt so irrevocably, could sit idly by while our heart is shattered. We sit and we seethe, we think of every name in the book, our mind races with angry thoughts, but we don't dare utter any of these words out loud, we don't dare let God know that we are angry with Him. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that those private, bitter thoughts are truly private, that somehow we have actually hidden our feelings from an omniscient God, we think that the God of the universe is actually being blocked from the ire we feel. We have to ask ourselves, "what do I think will happen if God knows I am mad at Him?" Do we truly believe that it is a condition beyond God's unconditional love? Do we think that we will suddenly fall from His grace? When we hold on to this anger, somehow we believe that we will be able to just move forward and leave it behind, but what happens, is the same thing that always happens when we secretly hold on to anger, it turns to bitterness, which eventually breeds contempt. When we introduce this element to our relationship with God, there is no room to do anything, but grow apart and I can assure you that this grieves God. So what is the solution? What is the resolve? How do we deal with this anger? How do we move forward in life? The answer is quite simple, tell God! Tell God that you are mad at Him! Stop pretending, stop seething in silence, stop blocking God out, and express how you feel; write it down, shut yourself in a room and scream your feelings, get down on your knees and whisper them, it doesn't matter what you do, just get the feelings out there, every last bitter and angry thought. Now, I know what you are thinking "That's blasphemous!" or "I can't say those mean things to God!" or even "I can't yell at God!" but the truth of the matter is that God already knows every angry and bitter thought you have had, He already knows that you are mad at Him, so why are you pretending to keep it to yourself? Why are you acting like God doesn't already know? Do you really think you have Him fooled? God knows how many hairs are on your head, he has counted your every day, He knows every fiber of your being, and He certainly knows when you are angry with Him. The more anger we allow into our relationship with God, the further the chasm between us becomes, and the more brokenhearted our Saviour feels. I want you to think about something; when you express and release the bitterness you are feeling there is a resolve that allows reconciliation, however, there is no hope of this resolve if we continue to harbor angry feelings, it becomes impossible for us to live in harmony with God and His will, and we have done nothing, but further our grief and God's. Next time you are angry, ask yourself "Am I really hiding anything from an Omniscient God?"